I am so grateful for the problems I have.
There are so many people in my life who come to me for counselling and advice, and the more stories I hear, the more I am reminded of how much worse everything could be. For example, I am a little peeved that getting a seasonal job would conflict with the visitation from my out-of-town family and the anniversary of Tina’s death, but I don’t need that job to get by; I have a very easy life where most, if not all, of what I could ever possibly want is provided for me. My parents worked really hard from humble upbringings to provide this lifestyle for my little sister and me, and I can’t thank them enough for the security I have. I have a few ideas lined up for the springtime as well as an on-campus application set up so I can work around my school schedule with ease. My parents have suggested that I get a job if I really wanted to, but again—it’s unnecessary. They like to remind me that I’m in school for school, and as long as I’m making good grades, I’m working the way I should be. Besides, I have other ways of making a few extra bucks… I do my odd babysitting jobs and I do always have the option of making crafts to sell.
Another good example is my relationship. I no longer get to wear my beautiful engagement ring, but I know I have a best friend and someone who shares a mutual interest in trying again once we’ve both grown up. Our relationship could have ended a thousand other ways, but, again…I got off as easily and gently as I could have.
I’m so grateful for my youth because I have some time to work on my flaws and overcome any mental health issues. However, Tina taught me to never take a moment of this youth for granted, so for her I try every day to challenge myself to be a better person. The chemicals in my brain, however pervasive, are no excuse for how aloof I’ve been and there are so many people who share what I have and worse, and so it’d be petty of me to say I’m “too sick” to get what I need to done. I have to keep certain goals and mantras in mind and make a real effort to achieve them, even if it’s just a little bit at a time. It may sound ridiculous, but since I’ve moved back in with my parents, I’ve actually cried in front of some friends and asked for help for the first time. Again, I am grateful to have people I can trust with my naked soul and they won’t think any less of me.
I have so many good people and opportunities in my life and I am so, so blessed. I just needed to share this outpouring with all of you… it’s been on my mind all day.